Sunshine Through a Dirty Window
by Cartoonheart
Summary: Post Chosen with a twist, Spike doesn't end up at Angel's. You'll have to read to find out! Will be Spuffy! WIP
1. Lonely

A/N Hi! I just wanted to begin with thanking everybody who read my last story; I hope you'll like this one too!

Disclaimers: I, sadly, don't own anything that Joss Whedon created; all the characters belong to him. Yadda, yadda, yadda… You know the rest!

Summary: Post-Chosen. Spike doesn't end up at Angel's. You have to read to find out the rest!

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_Sunshine Through a Dirty Window_

_By Iona Goldilocks_

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_Chapter 1_

"I love you…"

"No, you don't but thanks for saying it."

The words echoed through Buffy's head as she stood at the edge of the crater, looking down on what used to be Sunnydale. She smiled a little as a thought came into her mind.

'Ha! No one messes with Buffy Summers! Not even the First Evil!'

Then that annoying side of her brain reminded her;

'About that… YOU didn't defeat the First. Remember Spike? Bleach blond, black duster, the man you love, now a pile of dust at the bottom of that crater?'

Buffy felt tears well up in her eyes.

'Yeah, he's the one who killed the First and closed the Hellmouth, with a little help from that amulet you gave him…'

Buffy gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Dawn, who stood next to Buffy, put a hand on her sister's shoulder.

"Buffy? Are you alright?" She could feel Buffy shake. "Buffy, what's wrong?" She looked horrified at her sister's tearstained face.

"I…I…I kill…" Buffy tried to speak between her sobs. "I killed him, Dawn!"

Then it seemed to occur to Dawn that there were a few people missing. "Him…?" She turned around, frantically trying to see a flash of black leather, even though the back of her mind told her that if he was alive he would probably be inside the bus, hiding from the sun.

"Spike's…Spike's dead?" She felt sick.

Buffy fell to her knees, and wept.

* * *

Giles walked out from the hotel room that Buffy and Dawn had been sharing for a few days.

"She doesn't seem to do very well, I'm afraid…" He sighed. "It seemed to have dawned on her that she's lost a lot of things, besides Spike, when Sunnydale went down."

Dawn sighed. "Can I go in to her? Please? I know she's a total wreck, but… She's my sister, and… It hurts to see her like this, okay? I know that she and Spike had something but I just didn't know it was that serious…"

Giles took of his glasses and ran his hand through his hair.

"Well, go in and try to talk to her, and do try to get her to eat…"

Dawn nodded in response and walked into the dark hotel room.

* * *

Giles walked down the dimly lit corridor and, lost in thought, almost bumped into Willow.

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, dear…"

Willow smiled. "It's okay… How's Buffy coping?"

Giles shook his head. "Not very well at all..."

Willow sighed a little. "Well, she'll snap out of it soon… I mean, there's not much we can do, right?"

When Giles had shook his head for the second time she continued.

"Well, I've done a little bit of sightseeing, and I've found a small shop that I think you'll like!"

At Giles frown she almost began to jump up and down. "Aw, come on! You need to get out of here; we've been her for days! Buffy isn't going to get better just because you refuse to go out!"

Giles threw his hands up in defeat. "Oh, alright, but it better be a nice shop and just not something to fool me with, young lady!"

Willow just smiled sweetly.

* * *

"Buffy?" Dawn sat down next to her sister, who seemed to have gone comatose, because she was just staring out the window, not aware of the world around her. "Buffy!" Dawn pleaded "please… He wouldn't want you to mourn… He wouldn't…"

Then she heard Buffy speak to her through clenched teeth.

"Don't you dare, tell me what he would want, you didn't know him! You didn't love him like I did… Like I still do! You didn't even speak to him! You hurt him so much, Dawn."

"Healmostrapedyou!" She spat angrily at Buffy.

Buffy turned from the window, fury written across her face.

"Notice the world almost, here… And what happened in the bathroom is between Spike and me, and we've talked it over. You don't know… I used him; I don't blame him for doing what he… What he ALMOST did."

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "God, Dawn… He got a soul for me! He loved me so much… If I only had one moment more… Just a day." She turned back to the window. "Just enough time to make him understand."

Dawn understood that the conversation was over, and she quietly made her way out from the room, that almost reeked with sorrow.

* * *

Giles stood awestruck outside of 'Hidden Treasures' that Willow had shown him to. The window was crammed with priceless books and trinkets, and Giles let himself willingly be dragged into the shop by the redheaded witch.

The shop was small but Giles felt like he was a small child on Christmas morning. An elderly woman stood behind the counter and smiled at Giles and Willow when they walked in.

Willow walked up to the woman and gave her a list of books and wondered if she had them.

"Yes, dear, we do… They're in the back. I'd be grateful if you could help me, my back isn't what it used to be."

Willow agreed to help and followed the woman, while Giles were left to do a little bit of treasure hunting, himself.

He quickly found a few books that had been lost when the Hellmouth was destroyed. He was just about to search a small bookcase for a volume about reversing spells, when something caught his eye.

There, in a monter lay several pieces of jewellery, and amongst them was… He had to polish his glasses. Yes, he was certain. It was the amulet that Spike had worn during the Hellmouth's destruction.

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A/N Hope you liked my first chappie! I apologize for the non-spuffiness, but I'll make it up to you! Please review! XOXO

_/Anna_


	2. Unexpected Events

Chapter 2

"Where did you find this?" Giles asked the old woman that emerged from the back, together with Willow. He pointed at the amulet.

"Well…" The woman answered "…they were all found on a deserted ship… That they said was cursed, and carried a deadly disease." She cleared her throat and continued. "My husband and I got them in that showcase and we haven't dared to open it."

Willow looked down on the sparkling jewellery and her eyes went as big as saucers.

"That's the…" She lost her words "Spike!"

Giles nodded. "I believe it is." He frowned "Willow, I'm sure you're capable of doing a protection spell, so we don't have to get a deadly disease?"

Willow smiled slightly and answered "I'm sure I can, but I need to have the amulet where we live, ergo the hotel…" She turned to the woman "let's do like this… We pay for the amulet now, and then I can transport it home with magic!"

The woman agreed and they went back to the hotel, eager to start examine the amulet.

* * *

Willow had put a glass bowl upside down on the floor.

"Okay, if this works, the amulet will appear under the bowl and I can do a protection spell without having to, you know, die from some funny syphilis…" She smirked a little.

She closed her eyes and Giles watched with great interest when she began to hum. Then a flash was seen and the amulet sparkled on the floor, underneath the bowl.

"Yay! I did it! Go Willow!"

Giles raised his eyebrows and she smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, one protection spell, coming up!"

* * *

He stood outside of Buffy's room with the amulet in his hand, he was amazed how it still felt warm. He opened Buffy's door and walked over to her bed and sat down.

Buffy was tossing and turning in her sleep, and Giles caressed her hair. She calmed down, and Giles couldn't help but feel a twinge of fatherly pride in his chest. Because that was what she was to him; a daughter.

He hated to see her this way. He put the amulet on her nightstand and folded his hands in his lap.

"Buffy…" He began "… I just wanted to let you know, that… I truly regret what Robin and I did to Spike… I would do anything to have that undone." He sighed. "I always knew that it was something between you two… I just didn't know that you felt… That it was that serious…" He said, repeating Dawn's words. "I wished that you two would get another chance… You deserve some happiness at last, Buffy…"

He sat in silence and watched his Slayer sleep; he got up after a while and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, Buffy…" He said and returned to his bedroom.

* * *

Buffy woke up with tears flowing down her cheeks "Spike…" She whispered, hoping that his death only had been a bad dream, and that he would be there, holding her and making the pain go away. But the cold reality hit her and she began to sob into her pillow. She beat it and threw it across the room. She ran her hands through her hair and sat up. What she found on her nightstand almost made her faint.

She picked up the amulet from the table with shaking hands and glanced at the alarm clock.

9.15 am. They would probably be having breakfast. She ran down to the hotel's dining room and looked out over her friends and the potentials. They had all turned to look at her when she had come running, and she glared angrily at them.

"Is this some kind of sick joke!" She waved the amulet at them and Giles visibly paled. "Huh! Is this to mock me so that… God! Who did this!"

Most of the potentials had never seen the Slayer angry before and many of them were shaking from her angry tone.

"I love him! How can you do this to me!"

Giles rose from his seat and walked over to his Slayer. "Buffy…"

She fell to her knees and began to sob. "You did this?"

Giles sighed quietly. "It's the real amulet, Buffy…"

She looked up at Giles who had crouched down beside her.

"You're lying… It can't be… How?"

"We found it in an old shop… I don't know how…"

Buffy wept openly and cradled the amulet in her hands, her tears making it sparkle. Suddenly the room became white and a heat wave went through the room, knocking everybody to the floor. The white light faded and they regained their eyesight.

There, next to Buffy, stood Spike still dressed in his black duster. Buffy's heart seemed to stop beating and she rose on shaking legs.

"S…Spike?" Her voice came out as a faint whisper. She walked towards him, never breaking eye contact. She didn't believe her eyes, but as she was an inch away from touching him, everybody watched horrified as his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell down, unconscious, to the floor.

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A/N Well, not much to say about this chappie ) Just review!


	3. Sunrise

Chapter 3

Buffy cried out as Spike landed on the floor but she didn't do anything, she just stood and looked at him. Giles touched Buffy's shoulder.

"Is he real?" She whispered without taking her eyes from Spike's still form.

Xander and Giles walked over to the unconscious vampire and they carried him away to Buffy's room. Buffy stood still, looking at the spot where Spike had been laying.

Willow walked over to her best friend. "Buffy?" She asked "come…" She took her hand and walked her to her room. There Spike lay, upon the Slayer's bed, and she suddenly seemed to wake up of her stupor. She hurried to his side, and turned to Giles.

"Why…" She whispered "why isn't he waking up?" She slowly caressed Spike's tousled locks.

Giles sat down next to Buffy. "Buffy, dear… For all we know… Maybe this is just his shell… His body, his essence might be gone! I'm sorry… But until we know more about what has happened to him… We don't know if he'll ever wake up…"

"You say you don't know…" Buffy answered darkly. "Maybe… Look, he's so strong… He's my champion. He will wake up."

Her emerald eyes were filled with tears and she put a hand on Spike's cold cheek. "He will wake up."

She suddenly felt that the room was too crowded, and she turned to her friends. "Could… Could you guys just, let me…" She trailed off.

The two men and Willow quickly left the room, understanding that Buffy wanted to be alone. She laid her head on Spike's abdomen, inhaling his scent. She laid in silence and watched Spike. She was disturbed from his lack of breathing, especially since Spike actually breathed when he slept. She found that she started to list things in her head that made him different from other vampires.

'He eats human food, he can control his demon better than anyone I've ever met, he…' She smiled a bittersweet smile 'He purrs when he's content…' She had noticed the kittenish behaviour the night he'd found her in that abandoned house. The night he had held her, and she'd actually never felt more at peace than being there, in his arms.

She saw tears fall down on Spike's black tee and she quickly dried them off. Then her eyes lit up. "I wonder…" She whispered to herself before running to fetch her bag that she'd brought from Sunnydale.

She returned seconds later with a sharp knife.

"I know that… That you wouldn't want to do this… But you need to feed, and I'm not losing you again."

She opened his mouth and kissed his forehead. "Please…" She whispered as she put her slit wrist against his mouth.

She waited with her heart in her throat, for any sign of life. "Do it for me…"

It was like he had heard her. Spike reluctantly began to suck on her wound, and Buffy almost cried out of happiness and relief.

* * *

Giles was stunned by the sight in front of him. There, in the Slayer's bed, lay William the Bloody – scourge of Europe and murderer of two slayers. Spike lay in Buffy's arms, and she held on to him like he was the only thing left in this world to live for. She slowly caressed his forehead and kissed it before reluctantly letting go of him and padding over to Giles.

She pulled her hair back and Giles immediately noticed the red scar across her wrist. He flinched but didn't question Buffy about it.

"Buffy… I just wanted you to know that I think you should get something to eat, especially since you have barely eaten anything since we arrived."

Buffy smiled a little at the thought of food but shook her head. "No… I can't just leave him now…" She turned to look at the sleeping vampire. "He hasn't woken up yet, but he's getting better… He makes signs that he can hear me and…" She trailed off.

Giles smiled a little "I can sit and watch over him…" Buffy frowned a little but, after some convincing, agreed to run down to the dining room and get something to eat.

Giles sat in the same chair that Buffy had sat in, and he suddenly felt very sleepy. Time passed by and Giles didn't know for how long he had slept when he heard Spike move in the bed. He opened his eyes and he saw that Spike had begun to shake.

He tried to get the vampire to still but nothing worked. Then, at last, Buffy walked in through the door, and she sprinted to the bed.

"Shh… Spike…" She caressed his cheeks and kissed him softly and after a few moments he stilled and, to Buffy's joy, his eyelids began to flutter.

She grasped his hands in hers and she felt her left hand sting, due to the burn she had gotten the last time she had seen Spike. Then, Spike gasped loudly, and opened his eyes.

"…Buffy…?"

She embraced him, and vowed to herself that she wouldn't let go this time.

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Spike felt like he was surrounded by darkness, so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Then he saw a sparkle of light and heard his golden princess speak to him, she was alive.

He had spent his time inside the darkness with a single thought in his head. Buffy. Now she was here, next to him. Talking to him. But when he understood what she was asking him to do, his blood froze. No way that he was feeding of Buffy. He heard her beg him to drink from her, and in his weakness he finally gave up, letting his demon decide what to do. Naturally, his demon wanted to live, and it wanted to feel the woman it loved, because that was what it did. Both William and his demon loved Buffy. It would always be like that.

After he had fed from her, just taking enough to get conscious again, he had slipped into darkness again, only this time it was more like a dark mist. That mist let Buffy's voice through, and he could almost feel her.

Then he felt the mist grow thicker, and his whole body screamed in protest. He tried to fight the mist but to no use, and he felt his body tremble.

And just as the mist had almost swallowed him, he felt her. He felt her caress his forehead and he felt her warm lips.

He felt his hand burn, and seconds later, she was there. He knew she was there but he had to be sure. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but his mouth and tongue didn't want to form the words that William had composed. His mouth and tongue wanted to say the most beautiful thing in the world. And they did.

"…Buffy?..."

And then he felt her arms around him, and he knew he was home again.

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A/N Yay! Go Spuffy :) We're getting there ;) Review!


	4. Understanding

A/N This chapter is for Nessie, who is celebrating her 16th birthday today! Lots of love to you, and to everyone else who has reviewed, it means a lot to me!

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Chapter 4

"Oh, I've missed you so much…" Buffy whispered to Spike.

Spike smiled and tried to answer, but failed miserably. His voice didn't seem to obey him. He coughed and Buffy let go of him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He smiled weakly, and fell back against the pillows that Buffy had gotten for him.

Buffy frowned a little. "Are you okay, Spike?"

He shook his head and managed to get out a harsh whisper.

"Don't think so, pet… Feel… Weird." He coughed again and took Buffy's hand and put it on his forehead.

Buffy gasped. "Oh, my god! You're burning up!" She turned around and called out to Giles, who she knew was standing just outside. "Giles! Could you please come in her?"

Giles came in through the door with raised eyebrows. "Yes, Buffy? Is there a problem?"

Buffy grasped Spike's hand and held on to it for dear life. "I think he's sick."

Spike squeezed Buffy's hand and whispered. "Jus' gonna close my eyes…"

Buffy nodded and sighed as his eyelids began to flutter and he succumbed to sleep.

"Giles, feel his forehead…"

"Buffy, I do not think that is necessary…"

"Giles! Please… There's something wrong with him… I just know it."

Giles gave up and felt Spike's forehead. "Oh, dear lord… Yes, you're probably right… I've never heard of a vampire having a… Well having a different temperature than room temperature. I will get Willow, and we'll look into it right away…"

Buffy hugged Giles. "Thank you…"

Buffy turned back to Spike as Giles went out from the room and she caressed his cheek. He sighed contently in his sleep and she couldn't stop the smile that formed on her lips. 'Oh, Spike, don't you dare leave me again…'

She sighed. "You remember the last night we had, Spike? I should have told you that I loved you then…" She stared into the wall. "I should have made you believe me…" She hadn't noticed that Spike had opened his eyes. He smiled faintly.

"Believe what, pet?" He asked, his voice still a hoarse whisper.

She jumped in her chair and laughed a little.

"Spike… You scared me!"

He raised his eyebrows. "What was I suppose to believe?"

"Oh…" She drew a shaky breath. "That…" She swallowed.

Spike took her hand and looked her straight in the eyes.

"'S okay, pet…You don't 'ave to tell me…"

She smiled a little. "Go back to sleep…" She caressed his forehead and frowned at the way his skin felt burning hot.

She watched his eyes once again flutter close, and she whispered quietly. "I love you, Spike…"

And she felt her heart burst with joy as he smiled in his sleep and mumbled. "Love you too, Buffy…"

* * *

Giles sat opposite Willow at their temporary research table, looking through the few books that they had. Willow had even run back to the shop where they'd found Spike's amulet and bought even more books.

Willow yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I'm getting some coffee, do you want anything?" She grabbed her purse and looked at Giles.

"Oh, Willow, that's kind of you… Coffee, too, please…"

She nodded and went down to the local coffee shop.

Giles quickly read through the book he had been reading for the past two hours, and went to get another one, when something hit him.

He ran down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, where he spotted Willow stepping out of the coffee shop.

"Willow!" He called to her and smiled in thanks as she held out his coffee to him.

"Hey, you couldn't wait, huh?" Giles shook his head.

"No, no… It's not about the coffee… You remember the lady in the shop?"

Willow nodded and he continued. "She said something about the jewellery, coming from a cursed ship…"

Willow nodded furiously. "Yes… It was cursed with some kind of disease…" She trailed off. "You don't think that… That Spike has gotten it? I mean we did a protection spell!"

Giles frowned. "I don't know about him getting the disease, but I know that we did do a protection spell, but it was supposed to protect us from the amulet. If Spike was inside of it… I don't know how it might affected him."

Willow sighed deeply and drank some of her coffee.

"Do you think that we should tell Buffy?"

"I don't know, Willow… I don't know…"

They walked back to Giles' hotel room, and continued their research, only this time they looked for information about cursed ships.

* * *

Buffy was beginning to feel worried for Spike. He seemed to grow paler and paler and she could swear that he hadn't felt this hot last time she felt his forehead. She reluctantly let go of his hand and began to pace.

She hated this feeling, the feeling of not knowing anything, and not being able to help. She hadn't ever seen him this weak, not after Glory's torture, or the First's, not even after she had… She winced as she remembered what she had done to him in the alley. She told herself that it would be plenty of time to forgive and forget as soon as Spike got better. 'If he gets better…' Her traitorous mind reminded her. She felt sick and she sat down next to him, clutching his hand.

As she looked at Spike where he lay sleeping in her bed, she couldn't help to wonder when she had started to love him. Not just to want him… She had always wanted him; she had always had the need to be near him, if not touching, then fighting. She felt a tear slide down her cheek. 'Well, it doesn't matter when I started to love him… Because I do now, and there's nothing in this world that's going to stop me.'

Then Spike began to couch and she tried to get him to sit up. She gave him a paper towel and he coughed into it.

"Thanks, pet…" He whispered before going back to sleep.

Buffy took the paper towel from his hand, and she winced slightly when she noticed that it was covered in a thick crimson fluid.

She took a deep breath and stood on shaking legs, and she kissed Spike's cheek before racing down the corridor to Giles' hotel room.

"Giles!" She announced as she walked through the door. She held up the bloodied paper towel. "I think he's getting worse."

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**A/N Hope you liked it! Happy Birthday again Nessie, and everybody, review! **


	5. Sorrow

Chapter 5

"Dear lord, Buffy! You scared me!" Giles looked over to the door, which Buffy had stormed in through. He frowned at the sight of the bloodied paper towel in her hand. "And, do put that away."

"Giles!" She exclaimed, "Didn't you hear me?" Buffy began to pace. "I said he's getting worse. I don't know what to do… He coughed blood, Giles!" She said, waving the paper towel in front of Giles face.

Willow sighed and turned to Giles. "Maybe we should tell her…"

Buffy's eyes widened. "What do you mean, 'tell her'?"

Giles took of his glasses and polished them. "When we got the amulet… It was… No, let me start over…" He drew a deep breath. "We got the amulet from a shop here in town… The shopkeeper told us that she had gotten it together with several pieces of jewellery, and they all came from a ship, cursed with some kind of deadly disease. We teleported the amulet to the hotel, and Willow did a protection spell. It was supposed to protect us from the amulet, and since Spike obviously was inside the amulet, he didn't get protection from the spell."

Buffy took in all the new facts and looked at Giles, fear written across her face. "So what you're saying is… Is that Spike came back to life, only to be dying again?"

Giles nodded and touched Buffy's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Buffy…"

She looked up at the man she had become to think of as her father. "But… But we'll find a cure? Right?"

Willow walked up to her friend. "We can't guarantee anything but we'll try our best…"

Buffy tried to blink back the tears that welled up in her eyes. "I know you will… It's just, to have him near again, and then… I don't know if I can lose him again, Will. I know it's hard for you to understand, but… I have realized that… I love him, Will. I love him with everything that I am."

She smiled a little and felt tears run down her cheeks. 'Wow, here I am admitting my love to him in front of two of my closest friends… When I barely have gotten him to understand…'

Willow smiled slightly. "You know, I kind of understood that when you went all comatose because of him… It's okay, Buffy. It's okay if you love him."

Buffy laughed between her tears as she remembered that Tara had said almost the same thing once. She hugged friend. "Thank you, Willow…" She turned to Giles. "Thank you, to you too, Giles… I know your role as Watcher probably doesn't approve of my love to Spike, but…"

Giles silenced her with a smile. "I just want you to be happy, Buffy… I'll admit that I don't like Spike that much, but he saved the world, and… I assume I just have to get used to him."

Buffy smiled slightly and hugged Giles too.

* * *

Spike felt weak. He felt like he was on fire, and that all the energy he had left, disappeared with the smoke he imagined rose from him.

He coughed and felt tears well up in his eyes from the pain. He tasted blood in his mouth. 'That can't be good…' He absently thought as he felt himself slip back into oblivion.

Then he felt something even warmer than himself. He felt something scorch his forehead, but he found that it didn't burn quite as much as the fever that had taken hold of his body.

He opened his eyes and saw that Buffy sat beside him, caressing his forehead. He felt his mind getting clearer at the mere sight of her and he smiled slightly. 'Of course that she would be the one to be so warm… She's my sun… She shines… Bloody hell… She's…' He chuckled slightly and the sound got Buffy to look at him.

"You're effulgent, Buffy…" He whispered and she smiled. 'Oh, her smile…'

He began to cough again and Buffy continued to caress his forehead, although her smile had now vanished. He saw tears well up in her eyes.

Then he understood.

"I'm sorry, Buffy…" He whispered, and his deep blue eyes met Buffy's pair of emerald ones. She looked at him with raised eyebrows and he lifted his hand to wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek.

She kissed his forehead. 'Oh, that must have left a mark…' Spike thought. 'Nobody could be that warm without burning my skin…'

"What are you sorry for, Spike?" She asked him quietly and she became overwhelmed with the sorrow and sincerity in Spike's eyes.

"I'm sorry…" He began, "I'm sorry that I'm leaving you again."

Buffy shook her head. "No… No! You're not leaving me… We'll find a way to get you better, I promise."

Spike laughed. Why couldn't she see?

"Buffy." He whispered, and she sat closer to be able to hear his voice. "I can see her."

"Spike, what are you talking about?"

"Death. I can see her every time I open my eyes, and the more I stay 'ere…" He sighed "I'm just so scared that she'll take you too."

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**A/N **Sorry for not posting sooner... I have another chappie on the way, so don't despair! ) Please review! 


	6. Closer

A/N Hi! Here's chapter 6... Chapter 7 is on the way! I'm trying not to write to angsty stuff, but I just can't help myself sometimes!

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Chapter 6

Buffy looked horrified at Spike. Did he have fever hallucinations or did he tell the truth?

"Spike… What?"

"Buffy, I know I am dying… She waits for me."

"Spike, don't say that… Don't say that…" She cried openly now, and Spike put his hand on her cheek.

"Buffy, you have to promise me, that whatever happens…" He brought her head closer to his own. "Don't follow the woman in grey."

She opened her mouth but Spike put a cool finger against her lips.

"…Buffy." He whispered. "When she comes… 'm the only one who is going to go with her."

"Is she… Is she Death?" At his nod, she continued. "Then you aren't going to go with her either."

He opened his mouth to protest, when Willow and Giles came crashing through the door.

Willow took one look at Buffy's tearstained face and Spike's sad eyes, and understood that there was something wrong.

"Did we interrupt anything?" She asked, and Buffy shook her head.

She cleared her throat. "No… It's just… He seems to be pretty sure that he's not going to make it."

Willow smiled slightly. "Then he can change his mind, because I think we have found some valuable information!"

Buffy looked at her friend with a spark of hope in her eyes. "Tell me."

Willow held up a book. "This is a book about rare diseases. We think that we've found Spike's, and a way to cure him. Although…" She paused. "We're not sure if it's going to work, so don't get your hopes up just yet."

Buffy nodded and looked over at the now sleeping Spike. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Willow smiled and continued. "Well, we don't know why Spike's amulet ended up on that boat, but the ship was cursed with… Well, it wasn't cursed. The woman in the shop must've gotten it wrong, because the ship was protected."

Buffy looked at her best friends with confusion written across her face.

Giles cleared his throat. "What Willow is trying to say is that the ship was protected, against demons. And since Spike is a demon, he got the disease. We could've held the amulet and not have gotten the disease, but since we were not sure about the way it would affect us…"

Buffy took a deep breath. "So you're saying that Spike is sick?"

Giles nodded and Buffy rolled her eyes. "Well, we already kind of know that."

"Yes, quite, but… Now we think we know the way to cure him."

Buffy stared at Giles. "Well, tell me!"

Giles took the book from Willow and skimmed through some pages before he spoke to Buffy again.

"This volume speaks about an antidote, that is said to cure all diseases…"

Buffy interrupted him, "You mean Slayer blood? Because we've already tried that."

Giles paled visibly but continued anyway. "No, Buffy, it's not your blood… The antidote only exists in the dimension of…" He glanced at the book. "it's a word I can't pronounce, but it means something like 'Eternal'."

"Do you know how to get there?"

Giles nodded. "Yes, the spell to open the portal is in this book…" He saw the determination in Buffy's face and he shook his head. "Buffy, I don't think that it would be such a good idea if you went there… We don't know what kind of dimension it is… After all, it is supposed to contain an antidote to cure demons!"

"Giles…" Buffy sighed and turned to her Watcher. "I'm going. That's final. Now, we can do this the easy way, with you reading me the spell, and making sure that I get back. Or we could do it the hard way, but that involves me reading the spell, and since I'm not good with the magic we don't know where I'll end up, and that could lead to much more trouble, now wouldn't it?"

Giles reluctantly nodded and Buffy smiled slightly.

"Good. Let's begin."

"Alright. But we need to get the supplies first… It's quite simple so I think that Willow has most of the things we need…"

Buffy agreed to meet them in Giles' hotel room in an hour.

* * *

Spike woke up when he smelled Buffy's blood right under his nose.

He looked up and was greeted with the sight of his golden goddess sitting with her slit wrist at his mouth.

"No," He murmured, "not more…"

"Please, Spike…" She answered, "I'm going to find a cure for you, and I don't know when I'll be coming back, so I need you to feed."

He shook his head. "No…" He pushed Buffy's wrist away. "Buffy, I'm dying, it's too late."

"No!" She almost yelled in desperation. "No, it's never too late… Please, Spike… I just need…" She felt tears roll down her cheeks and she began to sob.

'Oh, love… Don't cry, pet… Please…' He sighed and reluctantly brought her still bleeding wrist to his mouth and he began to suck it gently.

Buffy breathed out a sigh of relief and dried her tears with her other hand.

"You'll see, Spike… It'll be okay…" She whispered quietly as she felt him lick her wound to close it. "I'll see you soon."

She brought her mouth to his and for the two lovers, time ceased to exist.

"Buffy…" Spike croaked out, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"Shh…" She kissed away a tear that rolled down his cheek.

"I'm coming back, I'm not leaving."

He nodded and they sat gazing at each other, never letting go of each others' hands, until Spike's strength began to fade, and he succumbed to sleep.

Buffy kissed him and caressed his unruly curls.

"Good night, my love, everything will be alright."

At least that was what she was telling herself.

* * *

A/N You know, the usual;

Review and make my day!

Lots of love to everyone who reviews, and just because I'm bored, I'm going to answer some of them!

funkydevil206: Thank you, I'm a Tara/Willow (Tillow?) shipper so I just couldn't help myself, I just hate Kennedy.

Spuffy2008: I really deserve a 'wow'? Thank you! I mean it! )

Mony19: Thank you very much, I know, they do belong together...

azusa-chan: Thank you, to you too )

Spuffy6: I'm bringing on the Spuffy, just because you asked me ;)

boeketjebloemen: I'm really not supposed to tell you about his destiny. The Powers That Be, well let's just say this, they'll kill me.

Thank you! Please read my other story; Secretly Loving You, I'm sure you'll like it!

/Anna


	7. Arriving in Eternity

A/N Thank you, my dear reviewers! ) I had some trouble with this chapter, but I hope you'll like it anyway…

* * *

Chapter 7

Giles sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I believe we have everything, now…" He looked over the supplies that lay lined up on the floor.

Willow nodded in agreement and sat down on Giles' bed. "She has to do this, you know… It would break her to see another one she loves leave."

Giles sat down next to Willow. "Yes, I know. It's just the insecurity that scares me a little."

Willow smiled slightly and hugged Giles. "Buffy..." She laughed, "Buffy is so strong… She can do anything! She will make it." She looked towards the closed door. "I believe in her."

* * *

"Buffy?"

Buffy blinked a few times and yawned, she had fallen asleep with her head on Spike's bed.

"Buffy!" She looked up and looked straight into the eyes of her younger sister.

"Hey, Dawnie…"

"Buffy… I just…" She looked over at Spike's pale face and she started to cry. "Oh, god… He's…"

"I know, Dawnie, I know."

Dawn sat down next to Buffy.

"I just came here to…" She sniffed, "I'm sorry, Buffy… I miss him, you know… Being his friend."

Buffy nodded. "I'm sorry, too…" She stood up, and hugged Dawn. "I have to go… I'm going to get some kind of antidote. Will you keep him company, while I'm gone?"

Dawn nodded and drew her chair closer to Spike. Buffy felt a pang of jealousy in her chest as Dawn hesitantly touched Spike's cheek. It had always been so easy for Dawn to love Spike; nobody questioned her feelings towards him.

She kissed Spike's forehead and caressed Dawn's smooth brown hair before walking away from the two friends who, despite their long time without each other, had been given a new beginning.

* * *

"Are you ready, Buffy?"

"Never been more ready in my entire life."

"Good. The book says that the antidote is some kind of 'liquid silver in golden light'; I assume you'll understand when you find it. Do you know what to do when you want to return?"

"We've been over this at least five times, Giles… I take this powder…" She held up a small glass bottle, "…and I cast a circle with it. A swirl will appear and I'll step into it."

"Yes, that's right." He turned to the redheaded witch that sat cross-legged on the floor. "Willow? We're ready."

Willow drew a deep breath and grounded herself. She lighted three candles and began to chant.

"_Eternity, I beg of thee, let me in and let me see._

_Eternity, I beg of thee, let me in and let me see. _

_Eternity, I beg of thee, let me in and let me see." _

A shining swirl appeared on the grey wall behind Willow.

Buffy looked at her Watcher. "So, this is it. I'll be back, soon." She hugged Giles and took a last look at Willow who was in deep trance.

Giles held his breath as Buffy took a step into the swirl, and disappeared.

He watched as the swirl faded, but before it could disappear from the wall, a piece of paper came out from it.

_Giles, I made it through okay. I haven't seen any demons and I don't think I will. I'll tell you more when I get back. Tell Will I said 'hi'!_

_XOXO /Buffy _

He sighed in relief and sat down next to, a now conscious, Willow on the floor.

* * *

'Well, Giles was really stupid to worry about this place…' Buffy thought as she had thrown the note into the fading swirl. She stood in the middle of a clearing, golden light shone in her face and she was surrounded by trees.

She didn't know what she was supposed to look for. 'Well, I hope that Giles knew what he was talking about…'

She saw a narrow path between two of the largest trees and, as that seemed to be the only way out of the clearing, decided to follow it.

* * *

Giles paced in his hotel room, and Willow looked up from the book she was reading. "Giles, please, sit down. You could help me research the antidote that Buffy's getting for Spike, just to keep your mind occupied."

Giles sat down with a small sigh next to Willow and picked up a book from the stack she had in front of her.

* * *

Buffy treaded softly on fallen leaves, and felt the air getting chillier as evening fell. She saw the last rays of sun fall upon another clearing ahead of her, and saw a silver fountain glisten in the dusk.

* * *

"You know Niblet… You're prettier when you smile…"

Dawn looked up, and smiled slightly behind her tears.

"There you go…" Spike whispered.

Dawn sighed. "I need to tell you something."

At his raised eyebrows, she continued.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for not… Well, for not talking to you." She had the grace to look ashamed.

He smiled slightly. "You know, I love you, Niblet. I'm sorry too, I'm sorry for hurting your sister, and for hurting you." He coughed and Dawn reached for his hand.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He shook his head.

"Spike, I think that maybe we should start over."

He shook his head again. "You can never start over, pet. We can learn from our mistakes, and give it another chance, though." He whispered.

Dawn smiled. "I can do that…" She squeezed Spike's hand and watched him as he succumbed to sleep, once more.

* * *

A/N Review! Please be kind. ) 


	8. Ice

A/N Warning! This chapter was written while I watched a season three episode (I don't like season three that much, with the Angel presence and all…) Anyway, enjoy! evil smirk Gotta… kill… brooding… poof…

* * *

Chapter 8

Buffy stood in awe, watching the silver fountain. The sun shone through the trees and made the fountain glisten. She drew a shaky breath and walked towards it. 'Well… I guess it doesn't get much closer to liquid silver in golden light, than this… This is it, then…' She pulled up a tiny bottle from her pocket and filled it with the crystal clear water. She winced as she got some on her hand; it was as cold as ice.

She quickly dried her hand on her shirt and put the bottle containing the water in her pocket. She looked around the clearing. 'That's it? Huh. Thought it was going to be harder than this…'

She didn't see the pair of golden eyes, watching her from behind the trees.

* * *

"Giles! Giles!" Willow shook the sleeping Watcher.

Giles sat up in his bed, Willow had convinced him to go to sleep when he hadn't been able to sit still for more than five minutes.

"Willow," He reached for his glasses on the nightstand. "…calm down. Is there a problem?"

She simply nodded and held up a book for Giles to read. "Oh, dear lord."

* * *

Buffy suddenly felt cold. She looked up and saw that the first stars had begun to twinkle in the darkening sky. 'Well, I better get home…'

She looked at the glistening fountain a last time and turned to leave, when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. She quickly turned around, but didn't see anyone.

Then she caught a glimpse of silver among the trees and started to walk towards it. She frowned as the silver slowly faded and jumped as a female whisper was heard in the night.

'It isn't your time yet.'

She frantically looked around, looking for the woman who had spoken to her. She shook of the feeling that something was wrong and took out another small bottle from her pocket. She opened it and began to pour the light green powder in a circle.

* * *

"Oh, dear lord."

"Yes, Giles, you've said that already!" Xander, who had walked in on a very nervous Willow and a muttering Giles, began to pace and Willow silently wondered why all the men she knew did that when they didn't know what to do. "Why haven't I been told this?"

Giles sighed and sat down on a chair. "We're terribly sorry, Xander…" Willow nodded in agreement. "We just didn't have time to… It just went so fast, and with Spike returning and all… He needed the antidote fast. But that's really not the…"

Xander interrupted her. "It's okay, Wills… It's just…"

He took a deep breath and sat down next to Giles. "I just can't help to feel jealous, you know…"

Willow looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I knew I didn't have a second chance with Anya, but… I still miss her, you know, and I can't help but to wonder what would have happened if she came back instead of Captain Peroxide… I lost a friend when I lost her…"

Willow smiled slightly and wiped at a stray tear on Xander's cheek.

"I know it never will be the same without Anya, but I know someone with the same humour and the same snarky remarks at the wrong time… I really think that he needs a friend."

"He?" Xander looked at Willow, who nodded and smiled, and he groaned. "I don't know, Will… It's Spike we're talking about here!"

"Well, doesn't everybody deserve a second chance? Buffy seemed to have given him that. Why can't you?"

"We'll see…" He rolled his eyes dramatically and turned to Giles, who had sat and watched the scene before him with an entertained smile.

"So, tell me about how we are going to get Buffy home?" Xander asked.

Giles' smile vanished and he shook his head. "No, that wasn't why we were upset when you walked in… She knows how to get home."

"Well… Why were you upset, then?"

"The antidote that Buffy went to get… It's just an antidote for demons, for humans it's… It's poison to us."

* * *

Dawn's shriek of horror woke Spike from his dark dreams, and he opened his eyes just in time to see Buffy emerge from a green swirl on the wall.

Buffy smiled as she saw which room she had come to. She had thought of getting home while she had stepped into the swirl, and she couldn't have gotten it more right. There they were, her family. Her ex-mystical key sister and her William. That sent sparks flying throughout her whole body; her William. She had been so stupid not to see the love that shone in his eyes.

"You're back…" He whispered and Dawn ran up to embrace her sister.

"Do you have the antidote?" Buffy nodded and showed the bottle to Dawn. "Wow, it almost looks like it's shining…" She reached out to take the bottle from Buffy and gasped as she touched her sisters hand.

"Oh, my god, Buffy… Your hand… It's ice-cold!"

* * *

A/N Kind of a cliffhanger, I know… But I'll post next chappie ASAP! Please, review… It's the only payment fanfic writers get.

If you found anything in this chapter that you didn't get, don't worry! It'll all be sorted out soon!


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